Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
