I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
