i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
