I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
