You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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