We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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