Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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