do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
