Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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