The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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