God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
