Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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