I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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