K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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