I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
