your parents love me but you hate me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
