everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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