So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So much rum. So many feels.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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