honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
