So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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