i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize