it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
