I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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