so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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