I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Randomize
