also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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