He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
