there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
