I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
