If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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