I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
