it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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