Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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