I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
