I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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