My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is Oprah even human
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
