No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
