I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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