It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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