The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
