Soap is not a condiment
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
