Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
