sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
