My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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