just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
