I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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