is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
