Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
