So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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