since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
