It's like God shit irony all over that family
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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