Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
