Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
