all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize