I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
