either way he was missing a nipple.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
