I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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