I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
