apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
