I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
