Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
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The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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