I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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