I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
