i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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