I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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