so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
