Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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