it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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