yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
